I’m not brave, when it comes to giving out information about my personal life. It’s terrifying writing this blog post, baring my heart to the world. I know that, after this is posted, I will start to second-guess myself, wondering if it was the right thing to do. But I’ll have to trust God on this one. He knows what’s right. And His plans for me go beyond my understanding. I just have to be willing to follow it.
Saturday night I was flipping through some pictures on my sister’s laptop and listening to Group 1 Crew. I tend to save pictures that I think are interesting so that I can use them later as references for characters or landscapes in whatever story I’m working on.
As I looked, I saw one that made me pause. It was a picture of an angel chained down, and looking down at a little dove sitting on the windowsill. There was something about it that I couldn’t stop looking. And as I stared at that little angel, two sentences popped into my head- “For others, it was just seconds. For me, it was a lifetime.”
I mulled over those words and went back to what I was doing, not really paying much mind to them. But then, later, I found myself heading to my closet where I stash all of my lined paper, pulling out a bunch, grabbing a pen and the closest flat surface (which happened to be my big polka dot journal), and, sitting on my bed, I started to write. I wrote down those first two lines and a story followed after. It was like the pen was moving on its own. I had no idea what would come next. The story unfolded before my eyes for two whole pages before I stopped and sat back, processing what my hand had just written.
It was sad. It left me feeling like I had just been dragged out of the ocean, sopping wet and hacking up water. At points, it was downright depressing.
With a huge headache, I put it away and went to bed.
The next morning, after I fed my lizard, I saw the story sitting there on my desk, waiting. Without a second thought, I dove back in. About two hours later, I had to put it away again. It was stirring up old feelings that I hadn’t felt since my dad passed away two years ago.
And that was when I knew. God wanted me to write this. He was whispering into my ear, “Write, Yakira. And when this story gets too much, I’ll write it for you.”
This has become my new work in progress. My other story has now taken the back burner, but I am working on it on the side. But this one needs to be written now. I can feel it.
I have titled my story If I Die and I will be sharing tidbits of it her on this blog as I write. This is a story that needs to be heard. And I know it will both encourage and make the reader think.
If I Die scares me. It’s emotionally taxing. But I will write it because I know I should. If you want to share this journey with me, thank you. If not, I thank you for reading this post.
Next post, I will share more information about this story with you.